I tried to search for it in your eyes but found nothing. If you have seen me crane my neck then you’d probably remember Diana during that kiss with Prince Charles in the balcony and her effort. Yet I do get it if you haven’t seen my neck or that balcony scene, and will still get it even if you won’t.
I tried to search for it in your voice but found nothing. Thank goodness you have a small mouth and the veins in your neck do not show when you talk in approximately 76 to 88 decibels. But even from afar looking at you, I do get it. I do get it.
I tried to search for it everywhere including your laugh, your thoughts, your wall, but found none. But I did find other things such as hate, rage, and (most especially) revenge that are totally the opposite of it; and I get it. I get it.
No matter how painful it is to keep on scouring and (instead) finding the opposite things of what I’m actually looking for, I just can’t stop doing so because I care and I love.
But at that moment when I felt the earth move, whether days would become better or not, I just knew the thing I’m searching for in you can never find its way back to me. Not anymore, never again in this lifetime.
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